From the Archives Stage 1. London to Moscow.

On the eve of the FTFE’s voyage from New Zealand to North America, Squadron Leader Steve has asked me to provide a few lines of reminiscence about the now dim and distant memory of Stage One of the Follow That Fire Engine Challenge. Rather than providing yet another blow-by-blow account of the London to Moscow trajectory (those who are interested can take at the daily blogs on the interactive map below, updated regularly by yours truly folks!), I will give a few of my own personal reflections on that first leg of this journey of lifetime.

Some thoughts:

Thought # 1: Despite being the first, FTFE Stage One was the hardest yet.

This may not be a popular view among the other FTFE team members (Ben B, Ross Chris and Steve aside), but I would like to take this opportunity to assert that, having followed each and every daily update from the subsequent stages, the London to Moscow leg most definitely provided some of the sternest challenges that Martha et al have faced – and I am not including the unfortunate 36 hours at the Russian border in this assessment.

A common complaint of our initial FTFE followers when reading the first in this series of blogs was that we didn’t seem to be enjoying ourselves very much at the beginning. This is not strictly true… as I will explain shortly…. but Stage One was certainly a short sharp shock to the system. Not for us the widescreen landscape and sense of freedom that the chaps experienced in, let’s say, Mongolia. Europe, with its concentration of populations and cultures left us disorientated as each day provided a fresh linguistic, dietary and cultural challenge. Add to this the self-imposed requirement to cross as something like 15 borders in our 12-day stint (Slovenia being the least pleasant – an 8 km crawl through a badly ventilated single lane road tunnel), the daily unknown of finding accommodation in the middle of high tourist season, and the somewhat optimistic route plan, which meant that every day consisted of more than 12 hours behind the wheel. Not for us the carefree visits to the local zoos or extreme sport attractions, the pleasant strolls around local beauty spots or the laid-back barbecues with friendly locals. Want to know what Stage One’s only gesture to tourism was? That’s right amigos, we visited a concentration camp… Nothing against that you understand – visiting Auschwitz was a chillingly unforgettable experience – but it does help to demonstrate that FTFE Stage One was arguably shorter on fun and games than subsequent easy-life legs! Alright, I am being deliberately provocative here, but I believe that Team Leader Steve will back me up in this argument… right Stevie??

Thought # 2: How can I put this? Although this may seem like a contradiction of my previous point: It’s an easy life on the FTFE…

Although, I have not been able to consult each and every one of them, I believe that all ex-FTFE-ers will have had similar difficulties upon reinserting themselves into regular civilian life: Unable to concentrate at work or when carrying out menial daily chores? Find yourself waking up in the middle of the night wondering why you can’t hear the melodious rhythmic rumbling of your FTFE pals snoring – honestly, the night we spent in the same room in Switzerland… I have never heard anything like it – and wondering which far flung and foreign campsite/motel/dosshouse you are staying in? Using unsuitable and frankly aggressive language at decidedly inappropriate moments? These are just a few of the surefire signs that you are suffering FTFE cold turkey.

This is because, despite the aforementioned difficulties, the basic parameters of life on the road are very simple… you wake up, you move on, you eat some junk food, you swear a little bit (or a lot), you drive a little bit (or a lot), you get to where you wanted to go, you eat some more junk, you swear a little more, you go to bed… and that’s it! The nuance and complexity of everyday life – honing and maintaining social skills, complying with your obligations, doing boring routine stuff – just isn’t part of the FTFE experience… So yes, it is easy life on the FTFE… Damn, I miss it!

Thought # 3: the photo album in my head is nearly full. I will now conjure up a few you-had-to-be-there moments and images, for my benefit if not yours; reader, indulge me please!

1. The “biblical” (Steve’s word actually) sunset we witnessed in the Swiss mountain valley that was our home for two nights when Martha’s fuel tank sprung a leak. Rays of orange, gold beaming onto the hillside farmhouses.
2. Emerging from one of the many Alpine tunnels just as Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight, er, kicked in – an exhilarating moment of synergy between in-cab soundtrack and landscape.
3. Driving through the spectacular Carnic Alps in Southern Austria, marvelling at the landscape and the miniature family chapels and barns dotted around every meadow as bemused villagers looked on.
4. Persuading one of our crew that it really wasn’t a great idea to hitch hike from the Latvian border to Moscow with one of the frankly unsavoury-looking lorry drivers who populated the border station. Luckily it worked.
5. Enjoying the silence in the spooky Lithuanian pine forests. Question: If a fire engine siren goes of in the middle of a forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a noise? Answer: Er, yes.
6. Stopping for the last stage one meal on a roadside on the outskirts of Moscow for another of those “what-exactly-is-it-that-I’m-eating?” moments.
7. Receiving some magnificently eye-opening advanced driving lessons from crew member Chris on how to take corners on the winding Lithuanian roads.
8. Hammering along the broken main road from Latvia to Moscow, me at the wheel, the lads asleep in the back, the sun rising over mist-covered fields.

So as Steve, Amy and Martha bob their way up the Pacific Ocean I will leave this rambling reminiscence there. I can’t have been the only Stage One crew member who doubted that the FTFE would make it this far – and more or less on time! Without wishing to “Murray Walker” the whole thing with over-optimistic predictions of continued success, I will just say well done folks and keep on trucking!

Beep beep, Beep beep, Yeah!

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